A Real Marriage
Dianna Nepstad | Fellowship Church | Antioch, CA
It was a hot sunny Saturday evening after we said,” I do.” I remember my dress, the songs sung, the guests wait for our arrival; after our photos we were off to our honeymoon! Wedded bliss! Now, 21 years of marriage underneath our belts, four kids now young adults and a thriving Church in the Bay area; these are exciting times! Looking back, what our families forewarned us was true, marriage is work.
Marriage, ladies, is not for the faint of heart. You build together, wage war together, make love together, raise a family together, you build a life together as you’re advancing the Church together. Oftentimes, it takes its toll; it takes its toll on you. A few things I’ve arrived at are these things that I’m sure you’ll appreciate;
- Take care of you. Sleep well, eat right, do the things that bring joy to you! Many times I’ve felt so lost with building his (my husband’s) life, esteem, confidence that when I turned around no one was building me. It’s important to care for you physically, emotionally and spiritually. He fell in love with you! All the things that make YOU! So, join a community activity, get involved in some kind of weightlifting class, travel group, or attend a class at university. Do something that refreshes you! Here’s a tip, take a nap when the kids are asleep, you’ll thank me later.
- Go for a physical. Sounds so strange, right? I went for a physical and opted to do a full panel of bloodwork and other things. Just laugh with me here! What my blood revealed were my previous years of internal frustration. No one told me that after having children my body was depleted of necessary nutrients. My blood revealed the subpar life I was living. I was so low on vitamin D. Let me give you some perspective. Normal people range in the thousands when it comes to vitamin D; my range was 16. The doctor asked, “Can you recall slow days and any lack of energy?” I told him, “Absolutely!” It explained my emotional lows after each child, my sleepy afternoons beginning at 1pm, my lack of desire when it came to intimacy. People, this stuff is real! Let me help you have the best life within your marriage. I’d highly encourage you to schedule to get your physical done.
- Enjoy your sex life. It sounds so impersonal but believe it or not so many women are becoming frustrated with the lack of intimacy they’re experiencing in marriage. Women, these days, are more fit, outdoors more often and their energy level is rising in this generation. Don’t get me wrong. I’m a proponent to healthy biblical sex and propriety. However, we have preached modesty from the pulpit but subliminally we’re telling the next generation we can be attractive but we are not fun as marriage partners. Women do have needs too. Just like our husbands we desire affection, companionship, desire and creative ways to express our love in the intimacy of our bedrooms. So women verbalize the timeframe, choose your playwear and enjoy! Nothing is worse than a railroaded wife who is extremely unhappy in the bedroom of her marriage.
So, my encouragement to you is to give attention to yourself, and to your marriage. You don’t cease growing as a woman with a mind, you definitely don’t remain the same as you were when you initially married your husband. What you do and will experience is change; you become more of the people Christ desired for each other to be. Listen to yourself, contribute with your voice, as well as your heart into the real marriage you two have.