I have a secret confession to all of my other have-it-all-together, mighty-women-of-God, church-planting, church-leading, ministry-running, powerhouse sisters out there. Last week, I had one of those WEAK weeks. You know, those weeks where you really don’t have it all together, those weeks where your insecurities are louder than your confidence, those weeks where your flesh seems to be in control and your schedule brings you to maddening tears, those weeks where no matter how much you have, it just never seems to be enough.
I’m sure I’m not the only one who has ever had one of these weeks before, and as I talk to women who have gone before me, I’m told there will be more of these weak weeks to come. But yesterday, I was asking God to show me why it was that I felt so dissatisfied in the midst of an ever-blossoming, abundant life, and He answered right on time with His Word.
Maybe this devotional thought will help you in your future less-than-inspiring moments of dissatisfying weakness.
“Not that I was ever in need, for I have learned how to be content with whatever I have. I know how to live on almost nothing or with everything. I have learned the secret of living in every situation, whether it is with a full stomach or empty, with plenty or little. For I can do everything through Christ, who gives me strength.” — Philippians 4:11-13
I know Philippians 4:13 can be rather cliche for some of us, but I have to say that this foundational verse really brought me to tears yesterday. God really challenged me in the area of being satisfied in Christ. In the hustle and bustle of planting a church, counseling people, thinking through assimilation systems, planning upcoming Easter services, running errands, crossing off to-do lists, catching up on much-needed social media advertising, and loving difficult people through another petty “crisis,” my cup had become somewhat underflowething.
And it’s my own fault. As much as I know it, somehow yet again I had become the Martha instead of the Mary, placing my to-do for Christ in front of my total surrender to Him. And as always, the bug of dissatisfaction snuck up and sunk its big, ugly teeth right in my soul, leaving me envious of other women in ministry who were doing what I only dream of, leaving me questioning my ability to hear and follow the Holy Spirit, leaving me exhausted and worn out, barely able to love one more person.
So I finally, as Jesus had to, snuck away and had a heart-to-heart with my Father. He loved me, cared for me, held me, and then brought that sweet correction I needed. He gave me four sure-fire secrets that will always bring dissatisfaction in my life. I pray that I will heed these thoughts, so that I may always find my satisfaction in not what I do or don’t do for Him, or what I do or don’t have from Him, but rather, in who He is and what He has done for me.
So here are, as I have coined them, The Four Secrets to Dissatisfaction:
Secret #1: Become Great at Being Ungrateful.
Secret #2: Compare What You Have to People Who Have More.
Secret #3: Resent God for Where You Are in Life.
Secret #4: Develop an Attitude of Entitlement.
You know, really, all I want is more of Him, and I know you do, too. So I refuse to let that bug of dissatisfaction have any more room in my life. I want to be intentional about thanking God for what He’s done, where I am, who he let’s me do life with; the clothes I do have, instead of the ones I don’t; the car I drive, instead of the one I pass by in the new-car lot every day; my husband for who he is, instead of the husband I think he should be; the kids that make me smile, instead of the kids that drive me bonkers; the talent I do have, instead of the talent I wish I had; and the person I am, instead of the person I use to be.
Let’s be women who press in for more of Jesus. Let’s be women who put away our ungratefulness, our envy, our resentments and entitlement. Let’s be women who cheer each other on, hold nothing back and stay in a posture of surrender to the Lord. Let’s be women who are dissatisfied with only one thing: knowing and making Jesus known.
-Written by Crystal Tullos
Crystal, along with her husband, Tyler, planted and pastor StoryHeights Church, Boston, MA. She is a mom of three cutie pie boys. She loves writing, preaching, and counseling as well as all things party-planning!